l'agrodolce tra i denti

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I love the way that you pretend to be sad just for the kisses, I love the way that you insult me and then tell me you’re ‘kiddinnnn’ because you’re afraid you’ve upset me, I love the way that you get stroppy with me if you’re hungry, or if you just fancy it. Because it all makes you you, and you’re so silly but I love it, I love you. I could be in a room with a million people I know, but it might as well be empty if you weren’t there. When you leave I’m so lonely, words can’t even describe it, it feels like you’ve taken half of me with you. Right now I need you more than ever. What you said about not going, just getting closer just made me feel so safe, I need that, I need you. Thank you being so amazing, thank you, I can’t believe it’s all for me.

joni

thank you for seeing me today, i don’t think you know how much it meant, i needed it more than anything in the world. oh, you really are my everything. when i tell you that i love you, i mean it more than i can ever put into words, those are just the closest. thank you for drawing the litl man in my coffee, thank you for being the only one who could make me laugh, thank you for being there when no one else is, and understanding when no one else does, and knowing me better than anyone else ever will. you’re my best friend, my love, my world, i cant wait until tomorrow, you and me and ducky all together again. look after yourself tonight, ill be waiting here.

in trying to keep busy i have:

• watched a nature program about the zambezi river
• put a letter into ducky
• been so excited for tomorrow
• tried to organise a wardrobe
• planned a chocolate cheesecake in time for after lent(; (knew you’d like that one)
• and missed you, crazy amounts, as always.

I know

I know how irrational my thinking is. I know how absolutely insane I’m being all of the time, I hate it, I hate myself. I’m better than I was, we both know that, just please stick by me, please don’t let my worrying get in the way of everything that we have. If I didn’t trust you, I wouldn’t be with you. I’d put my life in your hands, I know you wouldn’t hurt me in any way. I absolutely know it. The only thing I’m afraid of is this ending. Tomorrow is a new day, please wake up and know how much I love you and realise its all because I care about you more than anything. You’re my motivation, my reason for getting up and trying, even if I don’t get very far.

Jonathan

You’re incredible. I’m amazed you’ve stuck by me and my crazy ways for so long. I don’t know how to thank you for everything you’ve helped me through, you’ve made me a better person, and I don’t know how I can ever make it up to you. I honestly try to be the best I can be for you all of the time, and my worrying is only there because I care so much about you. Thank you for picking me up, and being the one thing I can really look forward to, and for always making an effort. I’m sorry that you are the one who usually bears the brunt of my complaining and moaning, but it’s only because you are the one I know will get me through it best, and I know you’ll be there for me after. Anyone else would eventually be fed up with me. You’re my best friend, and I miss you every second I’m not with you, you are my last thought at night, first in the morning and most of the ones in between. I know we’re a silly pair but that’s probably why we’re great. Dear, you’d have to do some serious searching to find a girl who loves you more than I do.